The Duc's mistresses; Mme de Guermantes's relation to them. Late arrival of M. de Grouchy. The Duchesse's unkindness to her footman Poullein. Her sarcasm about her cousin Mme d'Heudicourt, about the dramatist Bornier.
I'm struck by what nasty people the Duc and Duchesse are...not that I don't sympathize with the Duchesse, despite my comment last time that I was tired of her posturing (which gives no sign of ceasing).
I guess I never noticed how much all the infidelity Proust writes about must hurt those people who get cheated on...
He comes right out and says: "Despite these outward appearances...the Duchesse did not have an easy life." And that she "has no illusions left to shatter." I think the reason it's been such a blind spot for me is that Oriane is depicted as being so worldly---having no illusions: She's never fazed, even when she must take up the Duc's spent mistresses as friends...acquaintances. And since Proust is an outside observer, not her therapist, he can never know definitively her emotional pain. Perhaps this is where some of her nastiness begins. It explains at least in part why she and her husband are so cruel and disrespectful to the people they know. I find their rudeness and name-calling (at a dinner party, no less!) unimaginable. If my parents (who else throws dinner parties I attend....?) spoke of their 'friends'---though I think the Guermantes couple are islands, utterly alone, and have no real friends---in such a manner, I would spend as little time as possible with them...
And so much of this bad situation comes from two sources: The Duc's not controlling his appetites (whether he can't or won't doesn't affect the outcome), and his and his wife's vanity. He manipulates her into being witty at social functions---witty here meaning cruel. He twists the knife---and she is the knife.
//
The way the aristocracy treat each other and their 'inferiors'---servants and artists and those less bright, here---is just so depressing. (Well, maybe not depressing---cautionary.) I just hate seeing smart people make bad decisions. They're all so smart and so unaware. They treat advantage---intellectual, monetary, et c.---as a zero sum game. They're so distressed they cannot attend to any needs but their own (as in the episode with Poullein).
I had a boyfriend who was simply at the mercy of his illness(es). Depression, anxiety, lack of self-control, a large libido, and certain kind of sexual disfunction are a mix that really prevent a person from being good to others. (In my own defense, he was so deceptive it took a very long time to discover these qualities.)
The Guermantes and those who orbit them are complicated people. We can't know them as thoroughly as to know their deepest psychological problems (though maybe Proust will prove me wrong), so we can't abandon all compassion when judging them---and to learn from someone requires judgment: We must judge what to accept, what to reject, and what to suspend judgment on. By judging with compassion I mean we should avoid the harshest judgments because we can never be sure our information is complete.
I think I don't hate the Guermantes. I think I don't hate my ex.
I'm struck by what nasty people the Duc and Duchesse are...not that I don't sympathize with the Duchesse, despite my comment last time that I was tired of her posturing (which gives no sign of ceasing).
I guess I never noticed how much all the infidelity Proust writes about must hurt those people who get cheated on...
He comes right out and says: "Despite these outward appearances...the Duchesse did not have an easy life." And that she "has no illusions left to shatter." I think the reason it's been such a blind spot for me is that Oriane is depicted as being so worldly---having no illusions: She's never fazed, even when she must take up the Duc's spent mistresses as friends...acquaintances. And since Proust is an outside observer, not her therapist, he can never know definitively her emotional pain. Perhaps this is where some of her nastiness begins. It explains at least in part why she and her husband are so cruel and disrespectful to the people they know. I find their rudeness and name-calling (at a dinner party, no less!) unimaginable. If my parents (who else throws dinner parties I attend....?) spoke of their 'friends'---though I think the Guermantes couple are islands, utterly alone, and have no real friends---in such a manner, I would spend as little time as possible with them...
And so much of this bad situation comes from two sources: The Duc's not controlling his appetites (whether he can't or won't doesn't affect the outcome), and his and his wife's vanity. He manipulates her into being witty at social functions---witty here meaning cruel. He twists the knife---and she is the knife.
//
The way the aristocracy treat each other and their 'inferiors'---servants and artists and those less bright, here---is just so depressing. (Well, maybe not depressing---cautionary.) I just hate seeing smart people make bad decisions. They're all so smart and so unaware. They treat advantage---intellectual, monetary, et c.---as a zero sum game. They're so distressed they cannot attend to any needs but their own (as in the episode with Poullein).
I had a boyfriend who was simply at the mercy of his illness(es). Depression, anxiety, lack of self-control, a large libido, and certain kind of sexual disfunction are a mix that really prevent a person from being good to others. (In my own defense, he was so deceptive it took a very long time to discover these qualities.)
The Guermantes and those who orbit them are complicated people. We can't know them as thoroughly as to know their deepest psychological problems (though maybe Proust will prove me wrong), so we can't abandon all compassion when judging them---and to learn from someone requires judgment: We must judge what to accept, what to reject, and what to suspend judgment on. By judging with compassion I mean we should avoid the harshest judgments because we can never be sure our information is complete.
I think I don't hate the Guermantes. I think I don't hate my ex.
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